Recovery
from the radiation infusion has gone well, with only a few side effects, mainly
in the GI system. No unusual fatigue this time.
On this journey, it has been my faith communities, friends, and extended
family that have helped me stay “calm and collected,” as my grandmother would
put it. I’ve felt surrounded by love,
protection, and light. A good medical
team has planned and carried out the physical interventions needed, but the
spiritual care is just as important. I
cannot control the changes that are happening within my body. It helps to know that my mind and spirit can
be strengthened by the support of my spiritual team (including all of you) as
well as my personal meditation and prayer practices.
I
have felt Andy’s spirit near me in these days.
Last Sunday, April 19, was the 19th anniversary of his
death. Most years I’m by myself on that
day, but this year there are 10 family members all together sheltering during
the pandemic. So we had a family dinner
with some of his favorite foods. I
thought how happy he would be if he could join us, not only to enjoy good,
familiar food, but also to hear three languages being used at the table--English,
Hebrew, and Mandarin, with an occasional comment in Spanish just to help the
kids in their studies. He tried to pass
a bill when he served in the Legislature to require foreign language
instruction beginning in grade one and continuing through 12th grade
in our public schools. It didn’t pass. He believed in the value of understanding another
culture and its language and world view as a way to encourage inclusiveness and
deepen our appreciation of diversity.
And I think of him often these days for the support he secured for rural
and border health programs when he was alive.
It would hurt his heart to see the deterioration of the health care
system today, but he would be encouraged
by the commitment of many candidates and advocacy groups to build a system that
provides health care for all.
One
activity I dreamed up to involve our family in something fun during this time
of confinement was a contest, complete with prizes, intended for all to
join. Three days were given to create
some kind of art using items found on our property. Cathy was the judge, and everyone produced
something. Some submissions were
drawings or paintings, there was a mini-movie, a time progression video of a
spectacular sunset, two photo collages, and an amazing sculpture entitled Junk
in the Desert . My photo collage of plants
and flowers growing in the desert surrounding our house is below. Each participant in the contest received
a small prize, items encountered when we worked on cleaning the garage or from
my gift closet. It was fun!
Resources
Some
of you may have engaged with Brené Brown’s writings or her TED talk on
vulnerability. She has developed a
podcast called “Unlocking Us.” In the
first offering, recorded on March 20, she talks about FFT’s (Freaking First
Times—but I toned down the first “F”).
She points out that the first time we try to do something, it’s hard, we
often make mistakes, we don’t know exactly what to do. Living through a pandemic is an FFT for all
of us. She explains some of the dynamics
of FFT’s and offers some suggestions on navigating them. The podcast is free, and I highly recommend
it. Also her TED talk.
And
here’s a prayer for our times by Nadia Bolz-Weber:
Dear
God,
Some
of us are exhausted by a constant stream of bad news.
Some
of us are exhausted from the effort of trying to not freak out.
Some
of us are exhausted by not knowing how we will pay rent.
Some
of us are exhausted from the effort of trying to entertain and educate and feed
and love children who are stuck at home.
Some
of us are exhausted by the 13 hour shifts in a hospital we no longer recognize,
working a job we are afraid might kill us.
Some
of us showed up to this pandemic with pre-existing physical and
mental health conditions that were already exhausting.
Some
of us are exhausted by loneliness.
Some
of us are exhausted by waiting so long for a new season of Succession.
And
some of us are exhausted by the effort of trying to make this all ok for
everyone else.
Life
is so strained and tender right now.
I
know that not a single one of us is promised another day, God.
But
I guess I am asking for the strength for just the one we are in.
Give
us today our daily strength.
Strength
for today, and if you could spare it, bright hope for tomorrow.
AMEN.
p.s. HOSANNA in the highest
And
I’m comforted by listening to the song “Deep Peace” by Sara Thompsen
