Waiting (not so) Patiently

Months ago, when we consulted with a doctor from the University of Pennsylvania liver cancer center, he suggested one addition to our treatment plan with the doctors here.  It was a PET/CT scan using an injection of Gallium 68, a radiopharmaceutical tracer. Whew! The purpose was to see if the source of my cancer could be found through this imaging. 

Unfortunately, this scan was not yet available in Tucson, so I had to go to the Banner M D Anderson Cancer Center in Gilbert.  After working through the process of insurance approval and getting on their schedule, Cathy and I drove up for the test on Christmas Eve. We then had an appointment with the oncologist in Tucson on December 30, where I expected we would review the results and discuss next steps. 

My doctors had received nothing after the test—not a CD with the images or even a written report from the person who reviewed the test at the site.  I had received an unintelligible (to me) written report through my patient portal, and was able to show it to the doctor, but without seeing the images no conclusions could be reached.  We thought the delay was related to the holidays and waited longer.  Turns out I had to authorize the release of the test.  I’ve done that now, but my doctor is out of town for a few days…so I’m waiting, and not too patiently.  In the meantime I’ll finish this blog entry and write another when we have more news.

In my December 3 blog post “In the Depths,” I wrote about the extreme fatigue after the first radiation treatment.  For two months, June and July, my life was mostly sleeping or resting.  No driving.  No more than one outing a day, and many days none.  My second treatment was November 12, and my expectation was for a repeat of the first recovery.  Pleasant surprise—this time the after-effects were much milder.  The fatigue was not as profound.  My mind felt less confused.  I still couldn’t stand for long, and my walking speed was, as my grandmother would have said, as slow as molasses in January. My only contribution to the Thanksgiving feast was to bake two pecan pies, but all my kids and grandkids are super cooks.  I started driving again on an occasional basis in mid-December, and I was even able to help with hospitality for asylum seekers.

A couple of changes coincident with the radiation treatments:  Drinks--I have lost my taste for Diet Coke, or indeed any sodas.  Used to be my lunchtime favorite.  Also, I no longer ask for ice in my water, so long as the water is cold.  Hair--Doesn’t the Bible say somewhere that hair is a woman’s crowning glory?  Well, mine has lost its curl and thinned somewhat since radiation.  Sigh… Thank goodness for the beautiful hair bands made by refugee women in the Lutheran sewing project.  When I can’t stand how my hair arranges itself, I add a colorful hair band and feel better.  Who knows whether these changes were caused by the radiation, but I suspect so.  Not a bad trade-off for shrunken tumors!

Resources

The world news is so dark these days.  Our elected leaders and their dogmatic followers have been carrying out deeply harmful and wrong choices domestically (SNAP and border immigration policies) and internationally (assassination and military buildup) to name a few. I have looked for comfort in meditation and music.

 

Someone gave me a bookmark printed with “The Great Invocation.”  [Note: I changed the word “men” and modified the prayer a little.]

                                    From the point of Light

                                    within the Mind of God

                                    Let light stream into

the minds of humankind.

                                    Let Light descend on earth.

                                    From the point of Love

                                    within the Heart of God

                                    Let love stream forth into

                                    The minds of humankind.

                                    May Christ return to earth.

                                    From the center where

                                    the Will of God is known

                                    Let purpose guide

                                    the little wills of humankind—

                                    The purpose which

                                    The Wise Ones know and serve.

                                    Let Light and Love and Power

                                    Restore kindness, community, and peace on Earth.

There is a new CD by Sara Thomsen, “Song like a Seed” with songs of justice and peace.  I recommend it.  I’ve also been listening to Pete Seeger’s music.  He energizes me for the struggle and feeds my soul with hope.

A friend who does advanced crochet made me an octopus.  When I’m sad or lonely, there are eight curly arms to give me a series of hugs!