Life Lessons

I understand life lessons as some wisdom or insight we learn that may cause us to make a change in attitude, relationships, vocation or world view.  These lessons may come from reflecting upon another’s situation.  Mostly we get our life lessons from our own experiences. I think one lesson from my journey with cancer has been about control.  The truth has sunk in that I have far less control over my life and my body than I ever thought.  Hard to accept.

In the past, it seemed possible, even admirable, to seek to be self-directed and super self-sufficient. And it usually worked out in my life, especially because I had lots of resources and a flexible job.  Although events or even unexpected losses caused me to have to absorb a changed reality and to modify plans, mostly I could move ahead feeling in control.  With a sharp mind and a strong body.  And accompanied by Andy in spirit.

Habitually I tend to declare myself to be just fine, turning down offers of help, but that isn’t going to continue to work very well.  Last Monday I flew to Indianapolis to help look after three of my grandchildren while my daughter Cathy travels for her work.  I brought along a folding cane because it would help me walk faster and more steadily as I traveled within the airports.  Leaving Tucson was okay because the departure gate was close to Security.  But arrival in Indy was at the furthest gate from baggage claim.  As I began the journey, an attendant insisted on calling for a wheelchair for me.  I said it was okay, I could make it, but she was right.  The assistance helped me arrive there as the bags were coming down the chute instead after everyone else from my flight had claimed their suitcases and the one remaining bag was being carried to some lonely location for unclaimed luggage.  The challenge: to learn to accept help with humility, grace and gratitude.  And to ask for help when others don’t initiate the offer.  Sigh…

I’m also less in control of my body, in spite of eating a cancer-healthy diet and trying  to rest enough.  Despite my claims to the contrary, I don’t have as much energy as in the past.  Can’t carry heavy things any more.  Occasional GI complaints continue. My cancer is still active.   At least my mind seems unaffected.  My performance on “Words With Friends” has kept pace or even exceeded prior levels.  And I still enjoy writing.

Last blog entry, we were awaiting results of the Gallium 68 scan.  To make a long story shorter, it has been hard to get a clear answer about next steps from the team in charge of my treatment.  The oncologist has not met with the liver doctor to develop a coordinated plan.  She tells us that she is pleased with the success of the radiation treatments of the two large tumors, which have shrunk.  The bloodwork shows results that are high but closer to normal for liver function.  There is a third tumor which we will watch before treating it. This type of cancer is slow-growing. She said that her work is finished for the moment and the oncologist will take over treatment.

The gallium scan I had at the M D Anderson center did not reveal the source location, so we are accepting the consensus that it is in the lower bowel.  The scan  did reveal new metastases, confirmed by an MRI, that are in the skeletal system. Apparently there is a new medication that targets my kind of cancer when it moves to new locations.  Once we meet with the oncologist, I will know more.  For now it seems that monitoring is the main plan.

And life moves on.  I wish for more clarity but I’m not informed about, or with much control of, the plan at the moment.  I continue to be grateful for the prayers and other spiritual and emotional support sent by so many friends and family.

Spending time with my grandchildren in Indianapolis has been good medicine.  They are interesting kids, growing up without TV or cell phones.  Ages 9 ½ , 13 and 16 ½ , they are readers, Lego builders, participants in drama, student government, music groups, and much more.  All I have to do is feed them, keep up with the laundry, and drive them whenever their after school activities require transportation other than buses.  I even got to see my granddaughter in a play (the Evil Queen where she was "the Evil Queen" - two performances.  It’s been a joy to be part of their lives. 

Instead of sharing resources that have helped me during this period, I want to excerpt a few ideas from a New York Times article, “What to Say to Someone with Cancer” that appeared on January 14.  The essence of the advice was that people should avoid bad-news stories or false optimism or advice.  Don’t ask “How are you”; “How are things?” is better.  Don’t tell the patient what to think or feel or do.  Show love and support.  Offer specific services if you think they might be helpful, like transportation or accompaniment to medical appointments/procedures, food, or a sounding board when they feel down or anxious.  In all cases, the underlying message should be “I hear you…I believe you…I am here for you.” I will add that almost all of the interactions I have had since my diagnosis have been supportive and loving.  Thanks to all!